The Will to Live
by megfurtado
Summary: A sequel to "God Bless the Children" Amelia falls into a deep depression and loses her will to live. While her family tries to help her cope a unepected guardian angel comes to their aid.
1. Chapter 1

Bonanza The Will to Live

Ages: Amelia 17; Joe 23; Hoss 29; Adam 35

Chapter 1

It had only been two weeks since the school house was taken hostage and bombed by three escape convicts.

Amelia Cartwright's former boyfriend Joshua Smith was reveal as the one who was the mastermind of the disaster. Amelia was so devastated and even more so when she had to testified at his trial.

The end result was Josh being sentence to serve time in prison. Amelia was devastated and hasn't been the same way since.

* * *

><p>It was a beautiful night but it wasn't a happy one for the Cartwright's. Ben and the boys were sitting in the great room while the doctor was upstairs examining Amelia.<p>

The four worried men prayed that their beloved Amelia was gonna be ok and that somehow they would all get through it.

The doctor appears at the top of the stairs and walks down to them. "How is she doctor?" Ben asked anxiously.

"I wish there was more I could do for her Ben but I'm afraid that I can't heal a broken heart" said the helpless doctor.

"Is she gonna be alright?" asked Adam. "I don't know Adam but I do know is that she is giving up" said the Doctor. "What do you mean she's giving up?" asked Joe.

"I mean is that your little sister doesn't want to live. Besides her broken heart she is consumed with guilt over what happen and solely blames herself" said the doctor.

"Is there anything we can do for her, doc?" asked Hoss. "Just let her know that you are here and give her as much love and support she's gonna need it. I'm sorry that there's nothing more I can do for her" said the doctor.

"Thank you for coming doctor" said Ben as he walks him to the door. Once the doctor had left Ben walks back over to his sons.

"What are we gonna do Pa...We can't let Amelia die?" asked Joe as tears welled in his eyes.

"I don't know Joseph I honestly don't know. I guess we will have to leave it up to God" said Ben helplessly and full of sorrow.

He sadly walks up the stairs and into his bed room. For the first time in many years since the death of Catherine Ben Cartwright cried himself to sleep thinking about the pain and sorrow his little girl was going through.

It broke his heart that he couldn't do anything for his beloved daughter.

The boys looked at each other worriedly. "I never saw Pa so distraught before. He wants to help her but he can't find away how" said Joe feeling helpless not only for his sister but for his father.

The worried boys go up the stairs and into their bedrooms hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Late in the middle of the night Hoss was having trouble falling asleep due to worry about his worry sister.

He gets up out of bed and walks out of his room and down the hall to his sister's. He walks into her room and saw that she was wide awake.

He walks over to her bedside and sits next to her. "I reckon you're not getting either" said Hoss softly. Amelia doesn't respond and had a blank expression on her face as she stares off into space.

Hoss takes her hand in his. "I know you're hurting baby believe me I've been where you are; feeling shatter and uncertain if you can go on. Don't give into your grief you have so much to live for"

"Please don't die pumpkin I can't live without you in my life. You mean the world to me and I love you with all of my heart".

He leans forward and kisses her damp cheek.

"How is she?" asked a small worried soft voice. Hoss turns to see his little brother walking into the room. "Same. Dabburnit Joe I can't stand to see her like this. She doesn't say anything or eat and sleep. She just lies here and cries her heart out. She's so broken like a broken china doll. And there is nothing we can do to help her" said Hoss.

"You heard what the doc said all we can do is let her know that we understand and support her. She's gonna be alright Hoss you'll see" said Joe as he puts a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep I'll stay with her for awhile". "Alright, little brother. Night" said Hoss. He turns to their sister and kisses her on her head.

"I love ya baby" he said softly. He gets up and walks out of the room.

* * *

><p>Joe walks over and sits on a chair beside Amelia; he places his hand on hers. Joe stares at her for awhile and realizes how much she had grown up.<p>

It broke his heart to see her so sad. "I probably never told you this but when Mamma told us that she was gonna have a baby I hoped that it was a baby brother but Adam and Hoss were hoping that it was baby girl"

"The more they talked about what it would be like to have a baby sister the more I started hoping that it was a girl. A little sister that I could protect from harm and who take care of. Someone who would come to me for advice or help"

"The day you were born was the most wonderful day of my life. From the first moment I saw you I knew you had my heart. Now seventeen years later you still have my heart. You have grown so beautiful and I am honored to call you my baby sister" he said with tears in his eyes as he pressed her hand tenderly to his lips.

_"Do you remember when I had my first broken heart? Well I was twelve years old and there was a new girl in school. I thought she was the prettiest girl in the world. So naturally I tried to charm her and it worked for a while"_

_"Until the school dance came. Once we walk into the room she immediately leaves me and started to dance with the older boys. I was so heartbroken I wanna crawl under a rock. That night when I came home I went straight into my room"_

_"I felt as though I could ever fall in love again. Just then a little angel came into my room sat beside me like I'm sitting beside you and the angel told me that it was better to have love and lost then too not have love at all" Joe told her._

_"Do you know who the angel was? It was you when you were only a little girl._ _As soon as you said those words to me I felt better. I never told you this but you are my guardian angel"_

"You have always been there for me and that means more to me than you could possibly know. I love you sis...I love you so much" he said as a tear rolls down his cheek.

"I wish I could do something to help you feel better like you did for me" Joe said. He looks up at her and there was still no expression on her face and she continues to stare into space.

The sight of his sister was too much for Little Joe to bear and starts to weep. "Please...say something baby. I can't bear to see you like this" he sobbed.

"I wish I could have protected you from this kind of pain. You are my baby sister and I never want to see you in pain but there's nothing I can do. I promise you since the day you were born that I would protect you but I have failed you. I have failed as your protector and as your big brother" he said as he bows his head down on the bed where Amelia's arm rested and sobs.

Unbeknownst to Joe, Amelia looks down at him and heard his cries as he says 'I'm so sorry' over and over. When Amelia saw her brother sob she couldn't take it and cries silently to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Early the next morning at the crack of dawn Adam walks into his sister's room to see Joe pass out in the chair.

The elder Cartwright looks over at Amelia who is still in her depression state. Adam walks over to Joe and gently shakes him.

Joe stumbles almost off the chair and looks up at Adam startled. "Sorry little brother" said Adam apologetically.

"What time is it?" asked Joe as he rubs his eyes. "About seven o'clock" said Adam looking at Amelia. "Any change?" Joe asked hopefully.

Adam turns his head to him and shakes his head "Doesn't seem to be".

"I'm really worried about her Adam. It's beginning to be almost too much to bear seeing her like this"

"I know it is but she's gonna come out of this alright" said Adam. "It's my fault Adam. I failed her I promised her that I would always be there to protect her and now she's in pain and it's all my fault" Joe said full of guilt.

"Joe, Hoss and I made the same promise to her but there are something's we can't protect her from like her first broken heart" said Adam.

"As for failing her Joe you never have. You always have been there for her especially when she needs you the most. I know I never told you this but you really are a wonderful big brother to her"

"Thanks Adam" said Joe. He turns to his sister and stares at her. "I wish there was something that we can do to help her" said Joe helplessly.

Adam thinks for a moment and then an idea pops into his head. Joe looks at him curiously. Adam with cunning smile walks over to his brother.

He leans over to Joe's ear whispering very softly. Joe nods as he gets up and quietly walks out of the room

Two quick seconds and Joe walks back in carrying Adam's guitar and hands it to him. "You sure this is gonna work" Joe whispered.

"We won't know unless we try" said Adam as he sits down beside his sister and starts to play his guitar and sing Too-Raa-Loo-Raa-Loo-Ral.

It was a special Irish lullaby that Amelia's mother Catherine use to sing to her when she was a baby and after Catherine died Adam started to sing her the lullaby when ever Amelia had trouble sleeping, missing her mother or when she was sad.

While he is singing Amelia slowly shifts her head to him as tears ran down her sleepy eyes. "Mamma" she said softly as a smile came upon her face.

Adam stops playing and moves closer to her taking her hand. "Amelia please waked up" he said. As if by magic Amelia's eyes gradually open and she looks at her brothers.

"I'm so sorry" she said. Adam and Joe both sitting on either side next to her bed "You don't need to be sorry for anything sweetheart" assured Joe caressing her arm.

"We know this isn't easy for you...it isn't easy for us but we'll get through this ok. We understand the pain you feel cause we feel it too" said Adam.

Amelia nods her head and turns to him and caresses his smooth shaven cheek. "Do you remember when you were trying to protect me from having sex with Josh?" asked Amelia.

Adam takes her hand from his cheek and holds it. "I remember" he told her.

"You told me that one day I'll thank you for doing that" she said. Adam who was in a loss for words nods his head.

"I hope three years is too long for me to thank you. If you hadn't done that I'll probably be hurting a lot more. I'm so very lucky to have a brother who loves me enough to do that and I love you" said Amelia.

Adam smiles and leans over and kisses above her brow. "What about me?" complained Joe teasingly. He knew as well as Adam and Hoss that their sister loved them equally even though their relationships were different.

Amelia turns to Joe. "What about you Little Joe?" she asked playing along. "I'm you big brother too and I care about you just as much or even more than Adam and Hoss" he said.

"That's true you were right here beside me all night. You were crying about how helpless and guilty you felt about not being able to protect me from this" she said understandably.

"You heard me?" he asked her surprise. "Every word and I saw you crying I wanted to comfort you but I was full of my own grief" she said.

"I want you to listen to me Joe and understand that it was my choice to fall in love with him and it was my choice to put my faith and trust in him. That was a mistake that I made and now I'm paying the consequences. This wasn't in any way, shape or form your fault" said Amelia.

"I know you want to protect me from things like this but it can't be done. Believe me there are times I want to protect you boys from getting heartbroken but I can't".

She caresses Joe's cheek "And as far as failing me or letting me down you never have. None of my brothers have and I don't want any of you to ever think that you have" she says as she takes hold of both of her brother's hands.

"You boys mean everything to me; you helped raise me, you've been my confidants, my heroes, and my rock. You are always there when I need you and you never judge me especially when I was raped or criticize my decisions"

"You boys are more than just my brothers and I don't think I thank you enough for everything you do for me and I take you for grand it and I'm sorry"

Adam and Joe look at each other. "You don't take us for grand it" assured Joe. "Are ya sure?" asked Amelia unsure.

"We're positive" reassured Adam. "I love you both so much" Amelia. "We love you too" said Joe. They hug and kiss her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

Early that afternoon Amelia's best friend Emily had arrived to the ranch after being asked by Ben to come and see if she can convince his distraught daughter to get out of bed and start living.

Ben opens the door and lets her in. "Thank you for coming Emily" he said gratefully. Emily turns to him and she could tell by the look on his face how worried he was.

"Not at all Mister Cartwright I just hope she'll listen to me" said Emily hopingly. "So do I the only time she seem better was when she talked to Adam and Little Joe but then she slump back to her depression. She blames herself for what happen" explained Ben.

"Do you think it would be alright if I go see her? Hopefully I can help her get cleaned up and convince her to come down stairs" said Emily.

"Thank you Emily you really are a wonderful friend and not just too Amelia. I don't know how I can ever thank you" said Ben gratefully. "It's the least I can do and if it wasn't for Amelia I would've died that day" said Emily.

She walks upstairs and into Amelia's room. She finds her best friend lying in her bed looking thinner and paler. This wasn't the Amelia Emily knew.

"Hey Mia" Emily said gently trying not to alarm her as she walks over to her friend. "How you doing?" she asked.

Amelia says nothing as she turns to her company and glares at her. "My boyfriend had the school held at gunpoint and then blew it up! How do you think I'm doing?" she snapped angry.

Emily knew that Amelia wasn't angry with her but it worried her that she kept it bottled up inside. "Amelia you gotta snap out of it. Don't you know that you have four worried men downstairs who are worried about cha and love you" as she takes Amelia's hand in hers.

"Honey I know you feel guilty for what happen but it wasn't your fault. You are a hero for saving us especially Nancy" said Emily. "I don't feel much like a hero" said Amelia bitterly.

"Why don't we get you out of this bed and get you washed and dressed. It'll make you feel better and I know your family would be happy to see you" said Emily. Amelia reluctantly agrees and climbs out of bed.

After Emily helps Amelia get cleaned up and dressed she leaves the room and walks down the stairs. Ben and the boys walk over to her. "Any luck?" asked Ben.

"She's out of bed, cleaned and dressed but I don't know if she'll come down" said Emily. The men looked disappointed. "At least you got her out of bed" said Adam appreciatively.

"The rest is up to her." said Emily. "Can you stay and have supper with us?" asked Joe hopingly. "I wish I could Joe but I have to get home" said Emily.

She says goodbye to them and walks out the door. The worried men gather at the table and began to eat their dinner

"You think she'll come down to eat with us Pa?" asked Joe as he looked at the lonely stairs hoping to see his sister. "I don't know Little Joe I hope so. I just wish she'll stop feeling sorry for herself" said Ben frustrated to see his baby girl in so much pain.

"Aw...Pa it ain't Amelia's fault" said Hoss jumping to his sister's defense. "I know it's not Hoss I'm just angry that she's hurting" said Ben.

The conversation was interrupted when they heard someone walking down the stairs. They turn and were amazed to see Amelia walking toward them.

The men stood up as he approached the table and sits down on the right side of the table next to Hoss and across from Joe. "Are you feeling any better?" asked Ben.

"Yes Pa" Amelia fibbed. "We thought you would never get out of bed" teased Hoss. "You look beautiful Amelia" said Joe. "Thanks" said Amelia.

"The new school house is coming together you wouldn't even know that it was blown up" said Adam not realizing that his sister was sitting at the table.

Amelia gets up and quickly walks out the door. Adam looks at his father worriedly. "I didn't mean to upset her Pa" he said feeling guilty.

"I know you didn't Adam. I guess she still needs more time" said Ben worriedly.

Amelia rides up to the Silver Dollar Saloon and walks over to the bar. "Amelia whatcha doing in here you know that we don't serve ladies" said the bar tender Sam alarmed.

"I don't care just give me a bottle of whiskey" order Amelia annoyed. She puts her money on the counter, takes her bottle and glass then walks to the back room of the Saloon.

She sits at a lonely table and starts to drink her sorrows away.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A half hour later a worried Joe walks into the Saloon and over to the bar. "Hey Sam have you seen my sister Amelia?" asked Joe writhed. "She's in the back room" said Sam.

Joe walks away from the bar "Oh and Joe" he heard a voice say. Joe turns to Sam. "She's no doing too good" he said.

Joe nods and dreadfully walks over to the back room hesitant about what condition he would find his sister in.

He walks in and to his horror he sees her drinking herself till she was tipsy. It broke his heart to see her accommodate herself in alcohol.

Amelia looks at her brother "Heyy big brother...wwant too join mee...there's plenty of whiskey" she slurred. Joe angry grabs the whiskey from her. He then forcibly grabs her by the arm and forces her to get up.

"What...arre...you doing?" she demanded drunkenly. "I'm taking you outta here. I'm not gonna watch my baby sister drink her pain away" he said. Amelia pulls away from his grip and glares at him.

"**You're not the boss of me! You don't care about me... no one cares about me. Not Pa or Adam or Hoss... none of you care!" she screamed. **

Amelia was angry and swings her fist at her brother making contact with his lip. Joe was horrified that his sister had hit him as he touches his bloody lip.

"Just leave me alone isn't there a girl you want to charm or drool over like a stupid mindless monkey" she said harshly. Joe was hurt by what she said.

"How can you say no one cares about you? Amelia I'm your brother and I care about you more than you know and so does Pa and Adam and Hoss. They all love you so much please let me help you. We can go somewhere where we can talk" Joe said calmly persuading her to let him help her.

He points at the bottle and says "That bottle isn't gonna make the pain hurt any less than it already does it'll only cause you more pain" he looks at her and says "Look I promise you things will get better".

Amelia looks at him as big crocodile tears fall down her quivering face. "You don't understand how I feel. None of your girlfriends ever tried to kill you along with six innocent children" she sobbed as she sits back down.

Joe sits down next to her and touches her hand on the table. "I know what it's like to have your heartbroken. I know you are in a lot of pain sweetheart and it breaks my heart that I can't make it go away. Believe me baby it's not the end of the world. You have so much to live for and you will love again" Joe said as tears water his eyes.

"How do you make the pain go away?" she asked. "Well...for starters it doesn't go away by drinking whiskey. It'll take time for your heart to heal and you just take it one step at a time" said Joe.

"I never knew this would hurt so badly" she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. She rests her head on Joe's shoulder as she sobs.

"I know it hurts but you'll be alright I promise" comforted Joe as he puts his arm around her rubbing her shoulder. "I wish there was a way it could have been prevented from happening" she said.

Joe holds her in his arms and kisses her on the head. He then pulls away from her and looks at her. "I know you do honey but there wasn't anything you or anyone could have done to prevent what happen. No matter how much you keep thinking that it was your fault you need to understand that it wasn't in anyway your fault"

He holds her hand affectionately. "What you did that day was very heroic. Not only did you got every out of there in time you protected Nancy after the bomb went off. I know you don't feel like a hero but you are and I couldn't be more proud of you" he kisses her on the cheek.

He helps her get up from the table. "There's no way I can take you home after you been drinking so I'm gonna get us a room and you can sleep it off and then tomorrow we'll take it one step at a time" he told her. Amelia nods.

He helps her out of the Saloon and they walk away.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Once they were in a room at the Hotel Amelia was laying on the bed asleep as Joe was pressing a wet cloth on her forehead and cheeks.

He turns around and walks back to the dresser as Amelia wakes up. Joe turns and walks over to her bedside. "How's your lip?" she asked.

"Hurts but I'll live. Where did you learn to punch like that?" he asked. Amelia smiles "Living with three older brothers has its advantages" she teased.

Joe laughs and smiles at her. "How you feeling?" he asked. "Stupid and pathetic" she says as she looks at him. "I'm so sorry Joe. I'm sorry for hitting you and drinking. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me"

"Hey I don't want to hear that kind of talk. I could never hate you and I never want you to think that I or anyone else would. I know you're sorry but no more drinking. I promise I'll do whatever I can to help you move pass this" said Joe.

Amelia nods. She looks at him and smiles "I love you Joe". Joe smiles as he tenderly moves hair away from his sister's angelic face. "I love too sweetheart" he said as he pulls her into his arms and holds her.

They pull away and Amelia lays her head back on the pillow. "Try and get some sleep. I'll be here if you need me" Joe assured her. "Thanks Joe...for everything" Amelia said between yawns.

She closes her eyes and leans over her kissing her on the forehead and watches her sleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning an anxious Ben, Adam and Hoss rode into town after worrying all night about Joe and Amelia. They were relieved when they saw Joe's black and white pinto Cochise in front of the Hotel.<p>

They mounted off their mounds next to Joe's horse and walk into the lobby as Joe was walking down the stairs when he saw them.

Seeing the look on his father's face Joe nervously concluded that his father was not in a good mood and that he was in big trouble!

"JOSEPH! I send you out to find your sister and then when I come looking for you I find you in a hotel? Where is your sister?" Ben demanded furiously but he was more worried about his broken hearted baby girl.

"I'm sorry I didn't send word to you Pa but I didn't want to worry you" explained the hesitant boy. "Joseph did you find her?" asked Ben hopingly.

"Yeah I found her" began Joe but Adam anxiously cuts him off and asks him where he had found their missing sister. Joe looks at his father and tells them how he had found her in the Saloon drinking a bottle of whiskey. He tells them how drunk she was and that he took her to the hotel to sleep it off.

"I better go talk to her" said Ben sternly. "Pa I know what Amelia did was irresponsible and reckless. I know that she deserves to be lectured but please go easy on her Pa. When I saw her last night she didn't look like the Amelia we know. She's having a really hard time and if I hadn't found her when I did I don't know what would've happen" pleaded Joe concerned.

"Joseph she has to learn that her actions are not only affecting her but this family. She has to know that she's not the only one that is hurting. I'll try and give her some compassion and understanding but I will not stand and let this kind of behavior to continue" Ben said.

Joe nods his head as did Adam and Hoss. Ben smiles at them knowing that they were worried for their sister. "Why don't you boys go to the restaurant and have some breakfast. Your sister and I will be long shortly" Ben suggested.

The boys started to walk out of the hotel when Ben stops Joe. "Thank you for looking out for your sister last night son. She is very lucky to have you for a big brother and I'm very proud of you" said Ben.

"Thanks Pa" said Joe as he smiles at his father then walks away to catch up to his brothers and Ben walks upstairs to have a stern talk with his daughter.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

Amelia hearing someone opening the door wakes up and was stunned to see her father walking into the room. "How are you feeling?" asked Ben as he walks closer to her.

"Like I was trample by wild horses" said Amelia. "That's why they call it a hangover" said Ben. He sits down on a chair. Amelia gets up and walks over to her father and sits down on a chair across from him.

"I'm sorry Pa for drinking and getting drunk last night" said Amelia sincerely. "You young lady are very lucky that you brother found you when he did. I understand you are hurting but you can't simply drink it away. Your brothers and I will not tolerate a daughter of mine drinking in a Saloon or anywhere else" said Ben sternly.

He then smiles at her gently. "Why don't you freshen up and we'll go join the boys at the restaurant for breakfast" Amelia smiles "Ok Pa I'll be right down and I'll apologize to them. I really am sorry for what I did and for disgracing the family" she said ashamed.

Ben takes hold his daughter's hand. "Darling you did not disgrace the family. You just surprise us is all but you are a Cartwright and a big part of our lives. I can't say that I'm not disappointed but that doesn't mean that I don't love you any less nor forgive you"

"I know and I love you too" said Amelia. Both of them got up and shared a warm embrace. Ben walks out of the room and after Amelia had gotten ready they both walk out of the hotel and down the street to the restaurant.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

Ben and Amelia walk into the restaurant and over to where the boys were sitting. The boys were relieved to see that Amelia was alright. "How are you feeling?" asked Adam. "Better" said Amelia as she and Ben sit down at the table.

"I want to apologize to you boys for what I did last night" she turns to Joe. "Especially to you Joe. I'm really sorry you were worried and that you went through all that trouble just to help me. I didn't deserve it especially since I hit you"

She turns to the rest of the family. "You all don't deserve to deal with my depression. I'm sorry" They all accepted her apology and began to eat.

After they had eaten they had walk out of the restaurant and walked down the sideway toward their horses who were waiting nearby. Bobby Palmer the town hoodlum walks the opposite direction up to Amelia.

"Amelia Cartwright I thought you climbed under a rock somewhere. Was the guilt too much for a coward like you to handle?" he taunted ignoring glares from Ben and the boys.

Amelia stares at him "You know I feel kinda sorry for you. I mean it's not every day someone's boyfriend like yours decides to hire convicts to take the school house that was full of innocent children hostage and then they blew it up" pestered Bobby.

"Then you play the traumatized girlfriend 'acting' as though you didn't know. If I recall wasn't you best friend Emily shot? I wish I could see the look on her face when she finds out that her best friend knew all about it. But there's one question that I'm puzzle on: Why?"

"I mean it's not like you did it for money...I mean you Cartwright's live on it. It could have been the thrilled but I doubt it" He steps closer to Amelia face to face.

"I bet it was to spice up your sexual relationship" Amelia glares at him her anger building up in her. Bobby steps back and smirks "Oh wait that's right Josh didn't want to...I mean who would want to with a used up dirty whore like you after all you were raped"

Amelia reached her boiling point. "Are you done?" "Yes I am" said Bobby feeling satisfied. "Good" said Amelia she punches him in the face hard causing his mouth to bleed.

Bobby falls back to the ground. He sits up and touches his bloody mouth. "I think you broke my jaw" he complained. "Well that should shut you up for a while" said Amelia satisfied.

Bobby gets up and walks by them and around the corner to Doc Martin's. Once he was out of sight Amelia turns to her family. They look at her proudly and she smiles at them.

She takes a deep breath and walks over to her horse and mounts on. Her family does the same and they ride out of town.

**Author's Note:** Bobby Palmer was also in my other story Little Sister. **Warning: Language in this chapter. **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

They rode in the yard of the house. Ben, Hoss and Joe had mounted off their horses and walk into the house. Amelia takes her horse and walk into the barn.

She puts Sapphire in his stall and starts to brush him when Adam walks in and watches his sister. "If you're gonna lecture me you better do it now and get it over with" said Amelia annoyed.

"Why would I lecture you?" asked Adam. "I know you're dying to give me one the riot act. So I'll save you the trouble. I know drinking to numb the pain was not only reckless but stupid and irresponsible. If Little Joe hadn't found me then I'll be a lot worse off than I was" said Amelia frustrated.

"I couldn't say it better myself but that's not why I'm here. I just wanted to see if you were alright" said Adam, he knew that for Amelia to stand and take Bobby's crap was hard for her to do and he knew that what Bobby said struck a nerve in her.

Amelia turns to him "I'm fine Adam" she said unconvincingly. Adam looks at her and he knew that she wasn't fine. "What's bothering you shortcake?"

"Nothing I'm fine" she said. Adam walks over to her and gently grips onto her arms. "Amelia what is bothering you? Something is eating away at you and you need to let it out"

"Fine if you want to know I'm scared. I'm scared that everyone blames me for what Josh did" Amelia blurted out. "Why do would you think everyone is blaming you for something that clearly wasn't your fault?" Adam asked.

"Because I was dating him I was in love with him. I was in the school when Josh decided to have convicts hold it at gunpoint. I bet people think I helped him or knew about it" said Amelia bitterly.

"No one thinks like that and no one blames you. Everyone feels sorry for you" said Adam. "Except for Bobby Palmer" muttered Amelia.

She walks by him but Adam turns her around. "Bobby Palmer is a punk don't pay him no mind. Don't let him get to you" said Adam. "Shortcake I know you are in pain and what Bobby said didn't help. Things will get better and I am so proud of you"

"Why?" asked Amelia. "Well for how you handle yourself with Bobby and how you took charge during a very dramatic and scary situation. You protected the children and only did you save them and Miss Wilcox but you saved Emily and Nancy" said Adam he caresses her cheek and says "You're a hero".

"No I'm not and I am sick and tired of my brothers telling me I'm a hero. I'm not and I don't want to be refer as one not by you or anyone else ever again" yelled Amelia she storms out of the barn and was halfway across the yard when Adam grabs her and turns her around.

"**LET ME GO ADAM**!" she yelled. "Not until you let all of the hurt and anger out" ordered Adam he didn't want to do this but it was the only way his sister would be able to heal.

Amelia starts to fight him trying to break away from his hold. She starts to punch him "**I HATE YOU...I HATE EVERYONE...I ...HATE JOSH!**" she screamed.

Ben, Hoss, Joe and Hopsing hurried out of the house to see what the ruckus was about. Amelia starts to cry and looks up at Adam. "Oh God! Why did he do that? I loved him Adam...I really loved him" she wailed.

"I know honey...I know" consoled Adam his heart was breaking. "I'm sorry...I'm so...very sorry. It was my fault...it was all my fault" sobbed Amelia, overcome with emotion she collapse to the ground crying her heart out with Adam's arms still holding her.

Adam holds her and strokes the back of her head and rubs her back as he whispers soothing words in her ear. "You better get her in the house son" said a worried Ben.

Adam looks over to his father, nods and lifts Amelia in his arms then carries her to the house.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Adam was sitting on the settee when Ben walks in carrying a tray of coffee. He sets it on the table and pours himself and Adam a cup. He hands a cup to Adam. "Thanks Pa" he said as he takes a sip then stared at the top of the stairs.

"I hope I wasn't too hard on her Pa. I was trying to help her get everything that she was bottling up out and now she hates me. Was I hard on her Pa?" Adam asked worriedly.

"I think the only one you are being hard on is yourself, son. Your sister doesn't hate you she was letting all her anger out and said things that we both know that she didn't mean" said Ben.

"I wouldn't care if she did as long as she's alright is all I care about" said Adam taking another sip on his coffee. "She will be Adam...she will be" assured Ben.

Just then Joe and Hoss walk down the stairs and over to them. "How is she?" asked Adam hesitantly. "She's asleep I suppose it will be the longest sleep she has had in a long time" said Joe pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I hope so" said Adam underneath his breath.

The next morning Adam walks into her room and sits down beside her on a chair. Amelia wakes up and opens her eyes to see her brother beside her. "How long was I asleep for?" she asked. "Since yesterday afternoon" he told her.

"I'm sorry for saying I hated you I didn't mean it" said Amelia apologetically. "I know and it's ok. I'm sorry too I didn't mean to cause you to breakdown the way you did" he said also apologetically.

Amelia touches his hand and says "Don't be sorry Adam I had to let it out sooner or later" Adam places his hand over hers and asks her how she was feeling. She says that she was feeling a lot better. Adam sighs relieved with tears in his eyes "I'm so glad shortcake".

"Thank you for helping me. I sure do love you Adam" she said. Adam smiles as he caresses her cheek. "I love you too" he leans forward and kisses her on the forehead.

There was a knock on the door and Ben and Hoss walk in on the sweet moment and smile. "Ain't you a sight for sore eyes little sister" said Hoss happily.

Ben hurries to his daughter's side and hugs her. "Are you alright now darling?" he asked her as he pulls away to look at her. "I'm fine Pa and I'm so sorry for being selfish and causing you all to worry" said Amelia.

"I'm your Pa so it's my job to worry about you just as I still worry about your brothers" said Ben. "You should worry about them they're trouble magnets ya know" teased Amelia. "I know they are that's why I have you to keep them in line" chimed Ben laughing.

Amelia giggles like she was a little girl again. "Sounds like someone is feeling better" said Joe as he walks pass Adam and over to his sister. "Are you feeling any better?" asked Joe hopingly.

"Much better" replied Amelia as Joe sits beside her on the bed. "I'm so glad sis...was so worried about you" he said with tears in his eyes. Overcome with guilt Amelia throws her arms around his neck hugging him.

"I'm so sorry Joe...I'm so sorry" Amelia said starting to weep feeling horrible for making her family so worry. Joe starts to cry thanking god that his baby sister was alright. "It's alright Joe just let it out...its ok" she soothed him and kisses him on the cheek.

"I love you" Joe tells her as he pulls away from her. "I love you" she said then she looks over at her father and brothers. "I love you all" said Amelia. "We love you too" they responded.

Later that day there was a knock on Amelia's bedroom door. It opens and Ben pops his head in. "You have a visitor" he said. Amelia looks at him confuse and asks him who.

"Nancy" he said. Amelia was surprise and asks him to let her in. Nancy walks in as Ben closes the door behind her as she walks over to Amelia. "How are you?" asked Amelia. "Fine my leg is all better now" said Nancy sitting on a chair next to her friend.

"I'm glad to hear it" said Amelia. "I heard you've been having a hard time because of what happen" said Nancy. "I'm doing a lot better" assured Amelia. "I'm glad. I just wanna thank ya for saving me and to tell you that you're my hero" said Nancy.

Amelia smiles flatter and says "I'm glad we got of there" While they were talking Ben was listening in the hallway and was relieve that his daughter was coming out of her depression and hopes that things would get better for her and for the rest of the family.

But whatever happens in the future the Cartwright's knew that they would get through it together as a family.

~The End ~


End file.
